Sex and the City and Women in Business
Posted: May 31, 2008, 04:56 PM by Leslie Grossman
I enjoyed the new film Sex and the City - it was colorful, full of fashion, & silliness - it was entertaining! And that's why we go to the movies isn't it? But now 2 days after seeing it, and after reading an article in the Wall St. Journal about how young teen girls are flocking to it, even though it may have an R rating, I got concerned. And it isn't the R rating that concerns me (though I'm sure that's not good), it's the underlying message that it sends to young girls and women. It's symptomatic of why we women just can't seem to level the playing field in terms of salaries and the highest positions.The film continues the portrayal of the TV characters, who have barely a touch of reality. Carrie - the writer - now has 3 books, but is still searching for commitment, while she continues to be totally obsessed with fashion and luxury consumerism. Charlotte is finally a mother, with no career, super comfortable on Park Avenue. Samantha moved to LA and represents her lover Smith exclusively raking in $millions from him, her only client - She makes enough money to buy herself a $50,000 ring at Christie's. She has no office, no employees, she simply sits on her deck on the Pacific Ocean fielding telephone calls when she's not shopping European designer shops on Rodeo Drive. Miranda, the lawyer, is never seen working, only being a "witch" to her husband and complaining to the girls over their countless high-priced meals together.
It's a funny film....until I started thinking about the message it could be sending young girls/women. Not only the superficial life these gals live. But did you notice....They have no network of people to help them succeed in their careers... There is no conversation about business challenges, politics, human values, etc. at all. Oh, I know, why would they have that in this film? I agree, but doesn't it get you thinking about the media in general. In fact, these days where in any film or TV show are women ever portrayed realistically in business?
Not since Mary Tyler Moore and Murphy Brown (and they were both TV business women) have women had a shot at looking smart in their job. Now I love Brooke Shields, as an actress and human being, but her character and her friends on Lipstick Jungle are just as ridiculous. Not to mention the sexism that has been displayed by the media toward Senator Hillary Clinton - a real woman, who "dares" to go "all the way" for the Presidency and who actually could inspire young girls to go for the highest leadership positions. Isn't it time the media start sending messages of successful women that girls can aspire to via characterizations in the media?
Maybe I'm missing something. But I'd love to hear what you have to say about this -- Leslie Grossman, cofounder, Women's Leadership Exchange
Reader Comments
Posted: June 27, 2008, 12:25 PM by Stephanie
I couldn't disagree more...as a business woman struggling in a male dominated industry and working for my parents, I felt that the film was "Just what I needed" to escape from my everyday realities. The key message in this movie was friendship! And where would we be without our girlfriends to help motivate us, cry with us, and just let us be ourselves?
I had never watched the series, but after seeing the movie, I want to watch every episode. I loved it. They are fun, strong women. Anyone that is stating negative thoughts about this movie should probably learn to relax a little...have a drink or two with your girlfriends (if you have them) and laugh more! Seems that you are reading too much into it...it is a movie....created for our entertainment. Let it entertain you!
Posted: June 23, 2008, 09:08 AM by Vickie Austin
While I empathize with the tone of these posts, and share some of the concerns about the example set by Sex and the City with its focus on fashion and beauty, I believe most of the contributors missed the whole point of this film: women's friendship and the power of forgiveness. Miranda's husband Steve admits to being unfaithful and Miranda cannot forgive him and leaves. Mr. Big is warned by Miranda at the rehearsal dinner to avoid the snares of marriage--(spoiler alert!)--and he is later in deep need of forgiveness from Carrie. And Miranda, who cannot give forgiveness, finds herself in the position of having to ask for forgiveness... an impossible paradox. Even sweet Charlotte, who has practiced her hate-speech for Big, finds herself at his mercy and later lobbies Carrie for forgiveness.
The other aspect that seems to be missing from these "reviews" (some of which were written by people who haven't even seen the film or watched the series!) is the deep friendship between these four women. Together over the years, they have faced breast cancer, infertility, engagements made and broken, infidelity, long-distance separations, childbirth, menopause and even the threats posed by success. These four women personify the depth of women's friendship which I cherish in my own life. We sustain each other through business triumphs and failures, family turmoils and the ever-changing landscape of our souls and our fickle bodies.
With or without our Louis Vuitton handbags, women are supple, virtuous, smart, flawed creatures in need of support and in need of each other. I found Sex and the City to be an inspiring story of mid-career, mid-life women who have achieved well-earned success in both their business and their personal lives. Take away the Manhattan skyline and the designer clothes and you'd still have a storyline worth watching: friends who weather the passage of time and years together.
When my mom, a beautiful 82-year-old widow, had a house fire several years ago, her "girlfriends" (from mid-50s to 80s) threw her a surprise "shower" to replace all she'd lost in the fire. I remember stepping into a private room during the shower and weeping with gratitude for these wonderful women. I also made a mental note: Be kind to your girlfriends along the way. At some point, we may be all we've got.
Posted: June 9, 2008, 11:33 AM by Kay
The movie sounds great for mature adults who understand the difference between movies and reality. Haven't seen the movie but it does not sound like a movie for teens. However, it seems like a call for mothers to make if they are interested, not the movie industry.
Posted: June 3, 2008, 05:49 PM by www.gen-wire.com
As a younger member of this blog exchange (Generation Y), I have to say that I disagree. Regarding a network…it’s always been there! If you’re a fan of the show, other than seeing the men, the sex and beautiful New York, I saw a lawyer, an accomplished writer, a publicist (who has always been a WBO with her PR company) and a socialite! That is a women’s network in itself! I don’t know about you, but if my best friends had media power, legal advice, and a socialite network to boot—I’d be a happy camper!
What’s superficial about being able to sustain your own lifestyle, whether you’re investing in an IRA or a Louis Vuitton bag? Just knowing that it’s your money to do what ever you choose is empowering! I look forward to the day that I can say that I have a $50,000 budget for an auctioned ring I desire (instead of waiting for a man to buy it for me). Granted, I’d prefer to use it as a down payment for a house, but hey, to each its’ own. Additionally, the irony about that ring (or story behind that auction) was because a woman who was treated terribly by a long time lover decided to auction all of the jewelry he ever bought for her! Again empowerment—taking it into your own hands—that was the lesson for me.
Also, in the end, Samantha’s brave move of leaving her gorgeous younger boyfriend on the verge of turning 50 is quite inspiring. She refused to sacrifice herself for a man. I found that to be empowering. I fear being alone and 50….Samantha not only took it on, she respectfully demanded it! And, Miranda, the lawyer, was working in the film. While she spent time with girlfriends in Mexico, she made sure that WiFi was available. As a matter of fact she obsessed about balancing a marriage, child and career throughout the whole film. In the end, she learned how to balance all by learning to forgive--empowerment.
SATC is entertaining, but there are inklings of reality in the film and the series. Luckily, most young women my age are smart enough to see what’s real and what isn’t (Give us some credit). This is because we have our mother’s and women bosses and Michelle Obama’s to look up to.
Signed....
www.gen-wire.com
Posted: June 2, 2008, 05:24 PM by rmead@paragonslate.com
I remember a few years ago Carrie, Sarah Jessica Parker, making a statement about this very problem. She said; and I paraphase, that she was dining in Manhattan and was leaving when 2 very young girls told her how much they loved her show.
Although, she was flaterred, she was also concerned about the ages of her audience and mentioned this to the individual she was with. She felt these young girls were much to young to watch her show and was taken aback by the fact: they were.
Clearly, they were to young to be viewing material such as this. HORRAY FOR SARAH.
My questions to women is this; Have we come this far only to have really not come far at all? Or have we arrived and this is it?
R
Posted: June 2, 2008, 01:54 PM by Julie Marks
I had a completely different perspective on this film. I was so proud of Sarah Jessica Parker, as well as her fellow actors. I consider this a smashing success for them and for women in business. They are all beautiful, intelligent, creative actors who are professionals. I'm delighted to see that SJP realized a dream of bringing this to the big screen. I'm sure it was a huge undertaking but she did it. As for these women actresses, they are all beautiful women, no heroine-chic going on there, and they are over 40. Success in Hollywood for women over 40! woo-hoo! I think there are far more movies out there that need to be critiqued for perhaps sending damaging messages to teens - movies that are acted in BY teenagers and marketed TO teenagers and parents condoning their children to partake in viewing those films. This film is meant to be entertaining for ADULTS, thus the R rating. My friend in Arizona said there were very young girls in the audience when she went to see it. All I ask is "what are the mothers and fathers thinking allowing their young daughter to see this film?" To me, it is a parent responsibility to instill morals and confidence in a child. I did not get my morals from our society, or Hollywood. I got them from a Christian mother who made me go to church on Sunday, didn't allow me to go to school dances, didn't allow me to wear make-up, taught me to read the Bible, and a father who worked hard and was self-employed and taught me to have confidence to do what I want to do in life, and was home every day to eat breakfast and dinner with our family, would look at me when I had what he thought was too much make-up and told me to go wash it off, and saw me try to leave the house in a mini-skirt and said "you don't think you're walking out of this house in that, do you? " and grandparents who were frugal and had so much character. These are the people who shaped me into what I am today and it is their influence that guides me. So yes, I grew up looking at famous beautiful women on the covers of magazines and in movies, but I always new that was Hollywood and not reality. Parents need to work harder to instill morals in their children in my opinion. It is not society's job. The world out there is always going to be around us and will never be perfect. Children need to be reared as to how to navigate the world as we know it. As for the storyline of the movie, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I laughed so hard at times, and at other times I cried. Afterall, I am a 37 year old woman, and yes, I HAVE been through so much of what these women have been through. I have been divorced, I have struggled with trying to have a career, I have had breast cancer, I have had major issues with men, I have friend who couldn't get pregnant and adopted from China, the list goes on. I find it a fantastic release to go to the theatre and be entertained by their stories. I do not go there to learn something about how to deal with my own life. Maybe one can argue that these characters don't deal with things realistically, but I think that is subjective. I have friends who live very comfortably in posh apartments with priorities that I don't always understand, and desires I don't necessarily share (like Prada bags, etc.) but to each is own. How many women who are members of WLE have designer bags or shoes or find pleasure in some other type of luxury item, like indulging in a fabulous spa? I like to splurge on great seats to concerts - so for some it's bags, for other's it concerts. I went to this movie to be entertained and it did just that - it made me laugh and cry about having gone through many of the same things they have. If I had a daughter and she was of an age that I approved she could see this film, I would say to her, this film is entertainment, and I also want to point out that these actesses are over 40 and I'm so glad to see them employed and making a blockbuster hit in Hollywood and an industry that is youth obsessed. I would highlight things that are positive about the film. I'm thankful that this is the United States of America and we have the freedom of expression. We all need to rise up and support women in general. Why be judgmental of other women. We need to support each other. Our eyes only see what we want them to see. God Bless.
Posted: June 2, 2008, 01:48 PM by Julie Marks
I had a completely different perspective on this film. I was so proud of Sarah Jessica Parker, as well as her fellow actors. I consider this a smashing success for them and for women in business. They are all beautiful, intelligent, creative actors who are professionals. I'm delighted to see that SJP realized a dream of bringing this to the big screen. I'm sure it was a huge undertaking but she did it. As for these women actresses, they are all beautiful women, no heroine-chic going on there, and they are over 40. Success in Hollywood for women over 40! woo-hoo! I think there are far more movies out there that need to be critiqued for perhaps sending damaging messages to teens - movies that are acted in BY teenagers and marketed TO teenagers and parents condoning their children to partake in viewing those films. This film is meant to be entertaining for ADULTS, thus the R rating. My friend in Arizona said there were very young girls in the audience when she went to see it. All I ask is "what are the mothers and fathers thinking allowing their young daughter to see this film?" To me, it is a parent responsibility to instill morals and confidence in a child. I did not get my morals from our society, or Hollywood. I got them from a Christian mother who made me go to church on Sunday, didn't allow me to go to school dances, didn't allow me to wear make-up, taught me to read the Bible, and a father who worked hard and was self-employed and taught me to have confidence to do what I want to do in life, and was home every day to eat breakfast and dinner with our family, would look at me when I had what he thought was too much make-up and told me to go wash it off, and saw me try to leave the house in a mini-skirt and said "you don't think you're walking out of this house in that, do you? " and grandparents who were frugal and had so much character. These are the people who shaped me into what I am today and it is their influence that guides me. So yes, I grew up looking at famous beautiful women on the covers of magazines and in movies, but I always new that was Hollywood and not reality. Parents need to work harder to instill morals in their children in my opinion. It is not society's job. The world out there is always going to be around us and will never be perfect. Children need to be reared as to how to navigate the world as we know it. As for the storyline of the movie, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I laughed so hard at times, and at other times I cried. Afterall, I am a 37 year old woman, and yes, I HAVE been through so much of what these women have been through. I have been divorced, I have struggled with trying to have a career, I have had breast cancer, I have had major issues with men, I have friend who couldn't get pregnant and adopted from China, the list goes on. I find it a fantastic release to go to the theatre and be entertained by their stories. I do not go there to learn something about how to deal with my own life. Maybe one can argue that these characters don't deal with things realistically, but I think that is subjective. I have friends who live very comfortably in posh apartments with priorities that I don't always understand, and desires I don't necessarily share (like Prada bags, etc.) but to each is own. How many women who are members of WLE have designer bags or shoes or find pleasure in some other type of luxury item, like indulging in a fabulous spa? I like to splurge on great seats to concerts - so for some it's bags, for other's it concerts. I went to this movie to be entertained and it did just that - it made me laugh and cry about having gone through many of the same things they have. If I had a daughter and she was of an age that I approved she could see this film, I would say to her, this film is entertainment, and I also want to point out that these actesses are over 40 and I'm so glad to see them employed and making a blockbuster hit in Hollywood and an industry that is youth obsessed. I would highlight things that are positive about the film. I'm thankful that this is the United States of America and we have the freedom of expression. We all need to rise up and support women in general. Why be judgmental of other women. We need to support each other. Our eyes only see what we want them to see. God Bless.
Posted: June 2, 2008, 12:26 PM by Sheri
I would definitely say that unfortunately the movie and series does portray the lives of many women and that is why so many are flocking to see it. I don't think the lives of the characters are realistic in that I don't think you can be as shallow as the characters are and as successful at the same time. The reason I watched the series from time to time and went to see the movie was for pure escape from all the stress of being a mother of four and the CEO of multiple companies. There were moments in the movie that I could relate too, but for the most part it was so far from my own life and what I find important that I did leave the movie feeling very unsatisfied. Thanks for bringing up the discussion.
Posted: June 2, 2008, 12:09 AM by Yvonne Killings
Leslie, I must have missed something, I saw successful actress' , employed actress', in control of their careers, both acting and directing a Hollywood production. I think we sell the female population short to think that we are going to take our cue in life, or allow our daughters to be guided by these roles that are acted out on the screen. And in regards to how corporate America views us as females, is in my opinion a direct reflection of how we view ourselves. I am a successful African American female business owner, who enjoyed Hollywood's portrayal of Alex Haley's novel roots; but it did not make me feel compelled to pick up a plow or for that matter a skillet. Once we start seeing ourselves as the giants that we are in every arena, I feel we will feel more compelled to compliment rather than criticize.
Posted: June 1, 2008, 07:55 PM by Cathie Lippman, MD
Our society's not knowing what to do with powerful women is nothing new. Respecting each person's creativity and worth as an individual will require a major paradigm shift for all of us. The only difference between a few hundred years ago and now is that women are not being burned at the stake - at least in North America.
Posted: June 1, 2008, 03:22 PM by Kirsten Stoffa
Leslie, this is precisely why I did not go see the film! I cannot affirm the actions of these characters. Life can be exciting with a different storyline altogether. It's about time we found seriously strong, intelligent women characters in film who offer intellect, talent, integrity and stregth as examples for aspiring young people. I'd rather see these characters be confused about this "glamour" and why it is is supposed to be so appealing and satisfying. That would be much funnier and way more entertaining. And so, I will get started working on that idea (and I hope others will too). Peace, Kirsten Stoffa
Posted: June 1, 2008, 03:14 PM by jacshandymeals@optonline.net
I agree with you Leslie. I think it is OK to have mindless fun @ the movies. I'm not sure if we somehow indirecly support what the director wants to paint by paying our ticket. If we go to the movies and watch a science fiction movie , we are simply saying that we like science fiction, but we don't go about becoming aliens or acting like them. So....I do like to have mindless fun at the movies.......I do however know, that women sometimes don't behave in the manner that we all say we want / wish/will behave with our other women friends or other women co-workers. If we are supervisors, managers, VP's , mothers of daughters or in some position that other people look up to, we need to practice what we preach, end of story. I know that I work with many women and a very small fraction of my female co-workers are able to handle criticism in a professional manner. Many of which hold grudges , gossip and do other awful things. I like being a woman, but I like being a smart, level-headed one.
Posted: June 1, 2008, 02:45 PM by cweinstein31@nyc.rr.com
I think the real question is why you as a leader of such an event even think this is mindless fun...your "surprise" and your new found insight is what concerns me...has it taken you this long to understand that when you embrace and support such mindless fun, you perpetuate such images and popularity...and when will you have a true understanding of why women don't advance in business and the world as they should and can, rather than repeating oppressive models of the past? What else do you need to work on to gain more insight? I don't go to the movies for mindless fun...I go to continuously learn, to see myself reflected, to enjoy the artists' views of the world; you insult my intelligence by generalizing why people go to movies and you also miss the significance of why people need to stand up to such trash, especially if they have made an effort to position themselves as a "leader" of something that represents real struggle...We have moved to a place of urgency to progress what real exchange is about among women and among the entire world...your surface efforts will not move anyone anywhere except your elitist audience And why do you love Brooke Shields? She is only a product of the same perpetuation...maybe you need to think about the language you use when you carelessly write..."I love ..., but...what does that say about you? and what does it do for your stated mission? CW
Posted: June 1, 2008, 01:00 PM by Talayah Stovall
Leslie,
You are so right! I went to see the movie Friday night with a bunch of my friends. We enjoyed the mindless fun of watching it. But, I wasn't really thinking about the message that was being sent to young women and girls. I write and speak on self-esteem, relationships and empowerment, but got just as wrapped up as anyone in a movie that promotes the "Cinderella Syndrome" of our fulfillment being wrapped up in a man who comes along to "rescue" us and, through no effort on our part, give us the fairy tale life we dream of (Carrie and Charlotte). That is not the message we should be sending to our girls.
We also should not be glamorizing carefree, consequenceless sex and irresponsible spending. I'm so glad you sent the blog to remind us that even in our enjoyment of a movie such as Sex and the City, we need to be sure that we are passing on the right messages to those who are more impressionable. There are lessons to be taught.
T.
Posted: June 1, 2008, 12:31 PM by
I believe that many women are concerned about portraying a positive image of career women, but the media is only concerned about dollars and they only produce what they believe that the young people will pay to see. The media isn't interested in producing anything that isn't going to make money at the box office and obviously, they go with what they believe sells and what they believe will flop. It's a business like everything else and they are many women producers who produce films about women, as well, but it's still about the money.
Posted: June 1, 2008, 09:06 AM by Susan Colantuono
Leslie, you're right on! Sex in the City is another drop in a bucket full of negative messaging. Sadly, the climate on gender has regressed since the awareness of the 70s. I see with my son (now 22) and his child care providers (now in their 30s) how control of the airwaves by conservative ideologues has infected the worldview of 2 generations of young men and women. Subtle and overt messages to young women have everything to do with attractiveness and little to do with achievement. Where we (www.LeadingWomen.biz) encounter it is with many career-start women who need coaching to drop their MATE ATTRACTING brand and develop their LEADERSHIP brand. Though not true of all career-start women, we hear the need in all of our client organizations. As a result we actually offer a course on it. And you're right, it has definitely disadvantaged Hillary. Lead On! Susan
Posted: May 31, 2008, 07:30 PM by Marianne Talbot
Thank you for this post . . . I agree with you. As an adult woman, lawyer and businesswoman, I can enjoy the fluff of the series and film but know it isn't real life. But yes, for young women . . . I think it gives them a skewed impression of what "success" looks like - and what it takes to get there. The fictionalization of what women's lives look like - personally, professionally and intimately -- is of great concern to me. A great read in terms of young women and what messages the media send out about sexuality is "Female Chauvinist Pigs" by Ariel Levy. Put it on your summer reading list! Thanks again for your honest posting! - Marianne
Posted: May 31, 2008, 06:13 PM by sonia pagan
I completely agree. This show never did paint a realistic picture of the hard work it takes to be successful. When young girls see this, they are misled into thinking everything in life will be so easy and glamorous which is dangerous because once they are hit with a real challenge or obstacle, discouragement can set in. I too admire Hillary Clinton's perseverance and no matter what happens she is an excellent role model for girls/women. We can do anything we put our minds to. She has shown strength, determination, and courage the real tools necessary to make it in life, not Manolo Blahniks.
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Posted: May 31, 2008, 05:29 PM by Jane
I agree as well. In fact, I recently co-produced a new independent documentary film which touches on many of the issues that Leslie raises in her blog posting. Please know that my intent here is not shameless self-promotion.... Being a single woman myself, I have been passionate about this subject for quite a while (tired of traditional stigmas and stereotypes) and wanted to raise more awareness of the "real" issues facing single men and women today that are overlooked or ignored in the media today.
Our film is called "Single," and it's about the growth of the single population and the complexities of finding and maintaining a lasting relationship in today's crazy world. FYI, if you didn't know, 100 million adults in America are single and for the first time ever, the majority of US households are now headed by an unmarried person. This is also a worldwide trend.
Not surprisingly, one reason for the rise in singlehood and delayed marriage is the dramatic evolution of women over the last generation which has resulted in many more lifestyle choices for both men and women that didn't exist before. Women are simply not looking to get married at a young age like their mothers and grandmothers did. They are buiding great careers, buying homes, building lives on their own, pursuing their dreams....and we celebrate that in our film -- as well as calling out some of the added pressures that come with all that new opportunity (especially if they want to have a family).
What viewers of our film have found quite interesting and new is how we explore the societal impact that Hollywood, through shows like “Sex and the City,” has had on human behavior and personal relationships. Thanks to the media and the internet, we find ourselves living in a youth and beauty obsessed, instant gratification, attention deficit world – with expectations of finding the “perfect” partner and maintaining the “perfect” relationship higher than ever. And all this, our experts say, is counter productive to human happiness.
Feedback on our film has been overwhelmingly positive - regardless of age, gender, and relationship status. Folks have described it as enlightening, refreshing, and extremely hopeful. You can learn more and check out our trailer at: http://www.singlefilm.com
Posted: May 31, 2008, 04:34 PM by Beverly
The line was out the door at the movie theater last night where young women lined up to see the movie. I never watched the HBO series so it wouldn't make sense for me to go to the movie--despite all the HYPE. One movie goer had an interesting take on it all, which I blogged about: http://www.babyboomerbev.blogspot.com
Posted: May 31, 2008, 04:26 PM by Mary Anne
I would agree. I have never seen the TV program and I do not intend to see the movie and I have seen more articles and more attention being paid to this movie than the presidential race (almost)! What is this saying about our culture and more importantly what is it saying to 'young' people...the message is not good. I agree that TV and movies are for entertainment and do not need to portray real-life and yet, there are TV programs that portray men (and some women) in more real situations such as Boston Legal. I would appreciate more programs that have content as well as entertainment.
The media (the advertising world) has a tremendous influence on the citizens of the world. More time in the home and in the schools should be given to discerning and intelligent thought on what is real and what is fiction. I, too, enjoy fashion and well dressed people and I think there is more to life than how you look on the outside. Mary Anne
